House of Cards
by Violent-Flames
Summary: ME1. Kaidan flares up and practically chews out Shepard at a decision she makes concerning him while they're hunting down Cerberus. FemShep/Kaidan One-Shot. Set after the battle of the Citadel. Please R&R!


This is a one-shot story involving a female Shepard and Kaidan (ONLY ME1). I'm not sure if I will continue this, I guess it depends on the response I get then I might make it one or two chapters longer. I hope you like it though! Enjoy and please leave a little something at the end!

Cheers and Happy Reading!

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He never thought she would be able to love him. She was a set, headstrong woman of action. She was a military leader and most of all she was his commanding officer. Yet she had lowered her defensive walls and let him in. She had let him in where no one else was allowed or even dreamed of treading. He had been where he wanted to be, where he had wished he could be for so long, since he had first laid eyes on her as she walked to the bridge for the first time. Where he had told himself countless times that he could not, should not even think of being... Because she was out of limits. She was WAY out of limits. She was his commander and that was it.

But she had let him in and he had memorised every minute of it. Every second. Until it all fell apart, like a house of cards. It crumbled and it fell upon itself and he could not stop himself as he, Kaidan was standing in the middle of it because that's where Shepard had left him. His Shepard had left him in the ruins of it, standing on the rubble of what was once everything Kaidan had dreamed of. Or maybe Kaidan had left himself there…

It all happened that night when he was doing his 0100 shift on the SSV Normandy. It had been an uneventful night and Kaidan had found himself working away on installing the new prototype ES18 software on his Omni-tool. He did hate the midnight shift because it was boring, but most of all because it is during this time of night when you would find yourself bored and alone on a quiet ship and that is when your thoughts would begin to drift to that person occupying the cabin just a few metres away from where you're standing, minding your own business. And you just can't concentrate or sometimes, even remember, what it was you were doing in the first place.

It was just this kind of night shift as Kaidan worked away on his Omni-tool with only the distant humming of the ship's engines for company when there was a soft hiss of a door to his right. There was the sound of footsteps approaching but Kaidan was too engrossed in his tinkering and his thoughts were drifting to other places for him to notice as someone walked up beside him. It was first after someone quietly spoke

"Kaidan"

Kaidan barely reacted as his brows creased in concentration.

"Kaidan!" was uttered a little more forcefully before Kaidan jumped, his head snapping to his right locking eyes with none other than Shepard herself.

"Oh! Hey! Didn't see you there" Kaidan said a little nervously as he ran his hand through his hair. Embarrassed for being taken so off guard "Can't sleep?".

Shepard gave him a weak smile that didn't really reach her eyes and ignored his question.

"What's up?" he said, already worrying about her and what might be bothering her. She rarely smiled but when she did her eyes would light up and the pain and hardness in them would disappear if just for a moment and that would usually make Kaidan's day. But this time there was something weighing heavily on her mind and he was worried about her.

"I..." she sighed and looked away from him before she continued "We... We need to talk…"

She looked him in the eyes as she finished "…Kaidan"

Kaidan furrowed his brows as he gazed at her. Her eyes revealed nothing, she had raised her walls and there was no emotion coming through anywhere. Her gaze was cold and penetrating and Kaidan almost shivered. She was shutting him out again already.

"Er... Sure what..." he took a deep breath and exhaled dejectedly before he rephrased himself "What's going on Shepard?" he asked with determination and took a step toward her.

Shepard held his gaze "The mission in the Hades Gamma" she said patiently "I'm going alone."

Kaidan's head snapped up "What!?" he said a little too loudly. Shepard looked at him with mild annoyance before he caught himself and looked around to see if anyone had been standing around before he lowered his voice "What are you talking about? Why!?" he said angrily

"I have made the decision, and that's final" Shepard replied just as calm and cold as before.

Kaidan looked away, frustrated and impatient "You can't go alone Shepard! Cerberus... They're... It's just way too dangerous for a one man party!"

Shepard looked at him for a while, her gaze cool and unmoving "It's not a one man party. You're just not in it Lieutenant" she finished and turned to leave before Kaidan grabbed her upper arm and stopped her. She stiffened, turned and glared at him "Let go" she said dangerously.

He was taken aback by her piercing eyes but stood his ground. She had just called him by his rank and there wasn't even anybody around. He wanted to know why she was doing this and he was starting to lose his temper too.

"No" he clenched his jaw as she gave him a look she usually directs at annoying idiots with guns standing in her way. He quickly continued "Just... Please just tell me why! I think I deserve that much, don't you? Or was I just a temporary thing you could use to ease your own pain and then toss away when there was no need for it anymore!?" he glared at her angrily.

She gave no reply but jerked her arm away from his grasp as she seemed to withdraw even more into her ice cold emotionless person. "I suggest you stand down Lieute-"

She was cut off by Kaidan's angry remark "What's with the Lieutenant shit huh!? What the fuck is this Shepard? You exclude me from a mission where it's given that I have a vital part for no good reason and you expect me to just sit and take it? And it's like you pretend that nothing happened between us before Eden Prime and after and..." he ran a frustrated hand through his hair before he continued

"You let me in and then you just kick me out again and it's like we're on square one again!" he looked at Shepard who was just as cold as ever. He felt one of his migraines coming on. This was definitely not the right time and he could feel that it was a powerful one. He closed his eyes as the migraine accelerated and he felt the sharp pressure against his skull. He winced and looked over at Shepard. Her jaw clenched and unclenched, she was angry and she was trying to keep it under the lid. There was a flash of something he didn't quite recognize in her eyes.

"You're way out of line Kaidan... My order is clear, you are to stay on this ship and your exclusion from the shore party is final. I have nothing more to say to you." Kaidan saw a flash of hurt flicker across her face as she turned to go but he just didn't care anymore. Maybe he was selfish or maybe it was the migraine making him so uncaring or maybe both but he needed her to care about him like he cared about her but he just didn't think she really did.

"You're-" she started as she turned toward him again seemingly remembering to tell him something, but was cut off by Kaidan again and her eyes narrowed at him. His migraine was making him more impatient and much angrier; his emotions seemed to be riding on a rollercoaster as he continued.

"You know what? I know what you're going to say. You don't have to waste your breath" he said angrily as he put his hand up between them.

"I'm done with this shit. Fuck this!" he threw up an exasperated hand and turned to go toward the elevator to the basement level. When he reached it he turned to look back but Shepard was nowhere in sight. He swore under his breath and called the elevator.

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When the migraine had dissipated and he had calmed down he had thought about their fight and he had realised how much of a selfish asshole he had been. She had probably excluded him from the shore party because she cared about him. She didn't want him to get hurt or worse. If he had realised that before, he could maybe have talked her out of it but he was too busy being a condescending prick to even consider it.

Cerberus were a fucked up lot and that particular mission was dangerous to biotics. Especially those with an unstable L2 implant like himself what with the mind control they had been able to exert on it. The Spectre, being a biotic herself would care much more for his well being than her own like she always did. Putting others before her. Putting him before her.

Now it was too late. He had screwed up royally and Shepard didn't even talk to him, let alone look at him before the shore party set off and were dropped in the Mako. That was 5 hours ago and Kaidan was starting to worry. They had kept contact with Joker the entire time until about 35 minutes ago when they had heard weird screaming and gunfire before the comm. went static.

Kaidan was sitting next to Joker rubbing his hands together nervously. Joker looked over at him before he sighed.

"You gotta stop doing that. You're weirding me out! What're you trying to somehow get a comm. line to the commander through your fingers? I thought it was just E.T who could do that but maybe that implant of yours is giving you unexpected radio powers" he finished with a smirk.

Kaidan looked over at him with raised eyebrows. "What?"

Joker shook his head in exasperation "Never mind" Kaidan was never into old vids anyway.

Kaidan faced his front again and looked absent mindedly onto the controls in front of him. There was a long pause before Joker spoke again

"I hate awkward silences" it was quiet for another moment before he continued

"She'll be back you know... She'll come back to us"

Kaidan nodded "I hope so"

"I mean we're talking about Shepard here! She survived a giant sentient coach roach robot ship! She'll survive some weirdos in black spandex..." he continued with a grin. Though Joker was obviously worried too he always felt like lightening the mood, and Kaidan appreciated that.

Kaidan chuckled absently "Yeah..."

A few minutes later there was some crackling over the comm. and through the static came Shepard's voice "Joker!"

Kaidan straightened and Joker sat up and pressed the comm. button "Yes m'am! Joker here! It's good to hear your voice! You had us worried!

"Yeah it was a close one... Apparently this was just a diversion... No real information or anything to go by was found in their server files. We were ambushed..." Shepard's voice crackled through the comm. Kaidan thought she sounded tired or maybe even in slight pain.

She sighed before she continued "Brain washed biotics... They had about a dozen... It was a clusterfuck to say the least..." she grunted "we are gonna need a pick up now, Joker. We're almost at the LZ so meet us there." the comm. crackled.

"Aye Aye Captain! See you in two." Joker replied and turned to Kaidan with a smirk. "Told you! Now buckle up!" Kaidan was relieved and yet he was worried about confronting Shepard. Because he had to tell her that he was sorry and he needed her to know that he didn't mean what he had said in the heat of the moment back in the mess hall. He just wanted her back. He needed her back. If it wasn't too late...

Couple of minutes later the shore party was entering through the decontamination chamber and into the ship. Garrus, supported by Wrex limped off in the direction of the Med Bay. The Turian sported a large gash on his side. He seemed to have cracked the first layer of his armour open and blood glimmered in the dim light of the Normandy.

Corporal Scott Daniels entered after them. He was the newest addition to the Normandy's crew after the battle of the citadel. He was a loyal and determined soldier. He was well built and had short blond hair and specialized in explosives. He seemed to have taken quite a hit as there was a rather nasty cut on his forehead which disappeared under his hair line, and the blood oozing from the open wound discoloured his blond hair into a pale pink. The blood running down his face forced him to keep on eye closed. He just looked to be in plain bad shape. What was more he was supported by Shepard who handed him off to one of the crew members waiting by the entrance who helped Daniels to the med bay.

Kaidan stood at the threshold of the cockpit and saw as Shepard headed toward him. His heart beat a few milliseconds faster as she neared but she dodged him and headed to Joker's side, completely ignoring Kaidan. What he had caught of the state Shepard was in was her limp and the caked blood at the bottom of her hair line. From her back he could see the glimmer of blood on the base of her neck. He briefly glanced down on the metal floor in frustration and worry. He looked up as Shepard spoke

"Joker, set a route to these coordinates" she said as she fired up her Omni-tool and transferred the numbers to Joker's nav-computer "that's pretty much everything we have to go by" she paused "let's hope it gives us something"

Kaidan turned and left the cockpit. Wanting to think things through on his own and besides he wouldn't want to speak with her in the presence of half the crew.

"Yes m'am. Coordinates punched in and processing" Joker looked her up and down "err... Don't you need to pay Dr. Chakwas a way long overdue visit?" he snickered.

"You mean visits..." she said calmly before a wet cough wracked her body.

Joker looked up at her "Maybe that visit is due, like now?" he said with concern in his eyes.

Shepard patted him on the shoulder "Don't worry about it" she said before she turned and left. She limped over to the med bay on her own, ignoring the pain that shot through her body. Some of the crew approached her with the intention of helping her to her destination but she put up her hand and stopped them in their movement before they could reach her. She was fully capable of walking on her own.

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**Med bay - 1 hour later**

"There... Just don't hop around too much. Your body needs to rest in order to heal properly. You took quite a few nasty hits" Dr. Chakwas said and handed Shepard a glass of water and a painkiller as Shepard sat up.

Shepard gingerly took the painkiller and swallowed it, followed by the glass of water. She looked up at the doctor "Sure thing doc" she said coolly

Chakwas raised her eyebrow slightly as she regarded the Spectre with scrutiny "Now, we both know you don't mean that"

Shepard smirked briefly "Yes, yes we do" she said quietly.

Chakwas huffed before Shepard continued "How Garrus and Daniels doing?" she asked.

"They're just fine. They got patched up and were on their way" Chakwas smiled knowingly "Unlike you they show up here when they're supposed to… All they need is rest though Garrus is to return here in a few hours for a check-up"

Shepard nodded now assured that they were ok. Shepard waited a few moments, she knew that she could do as she always did and keep Chakwas out of the loop about impending missions right after she had been banged up but decided that it wouldn't hurt "You know… We got a small lead... We're heading there now"

"You're not doing anything of the sort! Not so soon! At least give yourself a few days" Chakwas countered disapprovingly. Maybe it wasn't such a genius to tell her after all…

"Don't worry doc. I will. It'll take a few days to get there" Shepard answered smugly as she hopped down from the bed grabbed the shoulder plate of her discarded armour and walked out of the med bay now with an almost unnoticeable limp.

Chakwas's eyes followed Shepard out the door and she shook her head and muttered good-naturedly "Hopeless..."

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Shepard walked slowly toward her cabin to begin doing the worst part of her job. Writing reports. Apparently the Alliance Military still wanted them for the "record" as they put it, at least as long as she had an Alliance ship at her disposal and under her command.

She was at the door and was about to open the sliding door when he stepped into the corner of her eye. She stopped in mid-action and looked briefly down on the floor; she didn't really feel like doing this now. She gave and inaudible sigh and looked back up at Kaidan. Her eyes were hard and impatient

"Look I just need a minute… Hear me out" he pleaded quietly

She just stared at him for a while before her eyes softened just a little and she looked away toward the mess hall, it was empty. She looked back at him and nodded slightly toward her cabin door before she opened it and stepped inside, Kaidan following close behind.

Shepard set the shoulder plate down on her desk and fingered absently at the bandages of her healing neck wound, her back to Kaidan as he sighed "I... I'm sorry" he rubbed the back of his neck "I..."

Shepard turned halfway and sat down on the bed and pain shot through her side and she winced. Kaidan made to advance to her side but she put up a hand and he stopped in his step. She looked at him briefly before she started undoing the many clasps of her armour boots.

He took a deep breath before he continued "I didn't... I mean... I'm sorry for being an asshole. I didn't mean those things I was just... I just blew off the handle and you didn't deserve that. I mean you're the CO and your orders were cl-"

Shepard cut him off "Kaidan stop" she said and looked up at him. He stopped and looked apprehensively at Shepard. "I didn't want anything to happen to you" she said and Kaidan relaxed a little.

She looked at him as she continued, her gaze softer "I was being selfish" Kaidan took a few steps closer to her "no, no I understand why you did it. I was just too wrapped up in my own ego and I hurt you instead"

Shepard continued with the undoing of one clasp before she looked up at Kaidan again "I don't have any scruples about giving you that order though" she said "I never will... I'm glad you weren't there" she said sincerely.

Kaidan nodded quietly. There were a few moments of silence between them before Shepard broke it "Hey..." she said softly and Kaidan looked up at her. She patted the space next to her on the bed. He walked over and gingerly sat down next to Shepard and looked into her eyes. He saw softness and an affection that didn't usually reside in her light orbs and he smiled.

Maybe there was hope after all and maybe it wasn't too late. Shepard might yet accept him back to her side of the barrier she carries around her heart and mind. She is difficult to get through to but now maybe she would even start picking apart more of that barrier without rebuilding it. For now though, Kaidan was satisfied to just sit here on the half-messy bed next to her and look into her warm cognisant eyes.

Maybe things would be alright in the end anyway…


End file.
